Leading with Social Anxiety: My Journey from Fear to Empathy

I never thought I could be a leader. For the longest time, my social anxiety seemed like an immovable obstacle, something that held me back as I climbed the career ladder. I avoided meetings, dreaded public speaking, and questioned every decision I made. Leadership roles felt incompatible with the anxious person I believed I was.

But over time, I learned that social anxiety didn’t have to define my leadership negatively. In fact, it shaped me into the empathetic, thoughtful, and kind leader I am today. In this blog post, I want to share my journey and how I’ve transformed anxiety into an asset, especially for others who feel held back by their fears.

The Challenges of Leadership with Social Anxiety

Living with social anxiety, every social interaction can feel like a test. In leadership, this pressure multiplies. Some of my biggest struggles included:

• Public Speaking: Presenting ideas or updates in front of a group felt terrifying. I’d spend hours rehearsing, only to freeze when the moment arrived.

• Networking: Building relationships in professional settings, especially large conferences or events, was overwhelming. I felt drained and self-conscious, often avoiding these opportunities entirely.

• Team Management: As a leader, I needed to manage people, resolve conflicts, and give feedback. But I was constantly worried about saying the wrong thing or being perceived as incompetent.

For years, these fears made me feel inadequate. I thought that if I couldn’t enjoy being in the spotlight or handle pressure effortlessly, I wasn’t cut out for leadership. However, something changed when I started recognizing the strengths that came with my anxiety.

Embracing My Strengths as an Empathetic Leader

What I once saw as weaknesses were actually my greatest assets. As I progressed in my career, I started to realize that leadership is not one-size-fits-all. Yes, I struggled with public speaking and large social events, but the strengths I gained from living with social anxiety were invaluable to my leadership style:

• Empathy: My sensitivity to others’ feelings makes me a more compassionate and understanding leader. I can sense when someone is struggling, and I make a point to offer support. This has helped me create a work environment where people feel heard and valued. Research on empathy and leadership shows that emotional intelligence, including empathy, is key to effective leadership.

• Thoughtfulness: I am deeply reflective, which allows me to consider decisions carefully before acting. I take the time to listen to my team, gather input, and weigh the potential consequences of my choices. This approach leads to thoughtful, well-reasoned decisions.

• Kindness: Because I understand how it feels to be overwhelmed or anxious, I naturally lead with kindness. My leadership style is collaborative and inclusive, which has helped build trust and strong relationships with my team.

Through these qualities, I realized that being a leader doesn’t require being extroverted or fearless. It requires authenticity and the ability to connect with people—and those are areas where socially anxious individuals often excel.

How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Helped Me Grow

Despite recognizing my strengths, I knew I couldn’t let fear hold me back forever. That’s when I turned to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a tool that helped me take control of my anxiety. Through CBT, I learned to challenge my negative thoughts and reframe them into more productive ones.

For example, instead of thinking, “Everyone will think I’m incompetent if I stumble during this presentation,” I learned to ask myself, “What evidence do I have for that?” The answer was always that I was more prepared and capable than I gave myself credit for.

CBT also taught me to embrace discomfort through gradual exposure. I started small—speaking up more in meetings, giving feedback to team members—and eventually worked my way up to leading presentations and attending networking events with more confidence. I still get nervous, but I’ve developed strategies to manage my anxiety instead of letting it dictate my decisions.

Turning Fear into Fuel

As a leader, I’ve learned that fear can either paralyze us or propel us forward. While I still experience moments of self-doubt, I’ve chosen to use my fear as motivation to grow. Here’s what I’d tell anyone else dealing with social anxiety:

• Lean into Your Strengths: If you struggle with social anxiety, chances are you’re already more empathetic and thoughtful than you realize. These are powerful qualities in a leader.

• Challenge Your Fears: While it’s tempting to avoid anxiety-inducing situations, the only way to grow is to face them. Start small and gradually take on bigger challenges.

• Seek Support: Therapy, coaching, or even finding a mentor can provide you with tools to manage your anxiety. I found CBT transformative, but what matters most is finding a method that works for you.

A New Definition of Leadership

For so long, I believed that social anxiety and leadership couldn’t coexist. But now, I understand that they don’t just coexist—they can complement each other. My anxiety has taught me to lead with heart, to be a better listener, and to create spaces where my team feels supported.

If you’re dealing with social anxiety and wondering if you’re cut out for leadership, I want you to know that you are. You don’t need to be fearless to be a great leader. You just need to be you.